Mid Life Crisis Alert. What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up?

I may be having an existential crisis, a mid life crisis, experiencing bored housewife syndrome, or even, perhaps, yet another nervous breakdown. I honestly can’t tell. I woke up today and all I could think was, “am I supposed to be doing something with my life?”. This is not to say that mothering isn’t wonderful and rewarding, of course it is. It is not, however,(for me) the end all be all of my life’s work. I’ve danced around this idea for years now. Before the birth of my kids, I was climbing that corporate ladder with plans to be making fat stacks of cash and living my version of the American (consumer driven) Dream, baby! Then I had kids, grew a heart, a conscience, a mental illness (yay!), and much later a spiritual self. Also, the early mothering of two special needs children took up all of my time, willpower and heart. Now that they are small people (8 & 9) they need me less and less. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still putting in plenty of mom work, but I think now I have a space allotted inside me for…well, me. I defined myself by my work for nearly a decade. That is not how I want to live now, but I do want something. Can work, or working, be an extension of my truth? Me with my high school education, my swinging moods, my creative (if not grounded) ideas, my strict scheduling requirements, my wild moods, and my unfathomable passion…can I do something? If so…. what? What will be my legacyyyyyyyyy?!?!?!?!?

Life CrisisToo dramatic? Welllll, yes. I can be that. My point is this: I don’t need a job, I need a work of passion, an extension of my being, a vessel for my passion. No, not a hobby….well, maybe a hobby….but it feels like more than that. So confusing. That’s it, I’m enlisting your help. Help me?!?!? I am going to list ten things I am awesome at and ten things I suck the big D. at and then you guys can tell me what you think I should make my life’s work. Are you ready? Here we go!

10 Things I am amazeballs at:

  1. cooking food that may look like a pile of slop, but tastes like heaven in your facegif-of-gilmore-girls-eating
  2. being stupidly early for everything
  3. being excited for short periods of time
  4. coming up with clever tag lines
  5. selling things
  6. creating structure in life
  7. eating pizza
  8. making people smile
  9. making coffee
  10. loving people

 

10 Things I suck big dick at:

 

  1.  drawing, painting, etc…
  2. Reality Bites2. being “normal” or blending in
  3. boundaries (I over share)
  4. remembering people’s names
  5. maintaining a neutral facial expression
  6. details
  7. shaving my legs on a regular basis
  8. taking criticism
  9. not having a plan
  10. small talk

Perhaps I am over thinking things….or am I under thinking? This is one of those times I wish I could time travel to my own funeral to hear myself be eulogized (that’s a normal thought, right?), so I can see myself and what I gave to this world (or didn’t) more clearly. Hmmmm….maybe I should watch The Big Chill again.

Okay, deep breaths. In….out….in…out… Please tell me I am not the only one who thinking these things. Tell me about your own struggles, please. And then tell me what to do with my life. I fear making crafts and my deep devotion to Instagram are not worthy to be the hallmarks of my life. For now…I will attempt to just relax and let the universe bring it to me. I am open. Come to me!

The Dude

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6 thoughts on “Mid Life Crisis Alert. What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up?

  1. Haha! Those moments I know well! But I am starting to love the whole I can do anything I want to do mentality. Reinventing myself is having options. I like options, and the idea that I will be 1,000 different fulfilling things in this little lifetime of mine. One day at a time. I can provide references for all those things your good at by the by! 😀

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  2. Girl I swear every time I read your post, its feels like you are in my head. I have said this to you before, but I feel like you are reading my mind with these post! Although I don’t have children yet, I do feel like there is a bigger purpose for my life. I am currently between careers (what ever that means) and feel like I need to do something bigger and meaningful with my life. I do believe that something will come along at the right time for you and me as well, in the mean time keep being awesome and keep writing these wonderful post. I know you are amazing and something just as amazing is around the corner for you!!

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    1. It’s kind of nice to feel like we’re not alone, huh? I think a lot of people feel this a few times in there life. This is not the first time for me, and I’m fairly sure it won’t be the last. I think we just need to see it as an adventure and go into it head first and see what happens!

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  3. I’m going through the SAME thing since November 2014. No kids, but really REALLY struggling with…. what’s next? To the point it consumed me for a hot minute, ok MONTHS, and I got all sorts of depressed. I saw an Energy Healing practitioner and she told me to just sit and be with the emotions, confusion, thoughts, etc. It is what it is, it’s a process and to let it FLOW (something I’m not very good at!). As I sit and be with myself, feel those thoughts and emotions without judgement, it gets easier. I still don’t know what’s next but the panic it was creating is definitely easing!

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    1. That really is the key, I think. We just have to be with our feelings, then tell the universe, “I’m ready for the next step”. Hopefully, if we are open, and act with intent, we’ll find out way. ❤ Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment.

      Liked by 1 person

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