2015 The Year of My Soul

So, wow….okay…another new calendar year has rolled into our lives. Time just seems to go faster the older I get. I truly hate clichés, but damned if they’re not accurate sometimes. Do you remember when a year felt like a lifetime? Now, I feel like it’s racing by and I have to run just to keep up with it. Maybe it’s getting older, maybe it’s parenting, or maybe it’s just the pace of the world; I don’t know. Last January I wrote a post about setting my goals and priorities for 2014. This morning, I read that post and smiled. I think I stayed the course, although I did get a bit sidetracked here and there. I also went through my Instagram photos for the past year and found that I could, very clearly, see the evolution of my mind and soul taking place. An evolution that as brought me here, to this very place; a place of relative clarity and purpose.

Just for fun, here’s what that evolution looked like. January found me feeling lost and sad. So I overcompensated with trying to look fabulous. February was the launch of my Stella&Dot endeavour…it did not go well. March is when my hubby began to travel for business (a lot) and I started to unravel a bit. By April, I felt like I was getting nowhere fast with my blog, and that felt like a huge personal failure (good news, though, it helped me realize I was not a fashion blogger….like, at all). Between my bipolar disorder raging and having to come to grips with my hubby travelling so frequently, I found solace in retail therapy…but found it wanting. This was a learning moment for me; things couldn’t make me happy. As summer came on in May, I tried my very best to put on a good face and move forward in life with as positive an attitude as I could muster. By June, I started to relax a bit. In July I had a health scare that rewarded me with my very first mammogram…it hurt as much as I thought it might. Good news, physical health was fine…bad news, anxiety was killing me anyway. With the hubby still travelling in July, I had a lot of time alone. I also began my hashtag #zaftigsociety to try and capture the feeling of being fun, smart, sexy fatties. It was fun and engaging, but felt…empty. In July and August, I also enjoyed the sunshine for the first time in years. I tried yoga in September…for about 25 days. Apparently I am not ready to dedicate myself to it, but I did find in very grounding. My mind began to settle nearing October, I remembered what my mission was, how I wanted to live my life. October, the month of my 39th birthday, was strange. I realized that for the first time in ages….I didn’t want anything…I was content. I was simply living my life in the moment, as best I could, and found it to be very fulfilling.  This was a HUGE revelation for me. My spirit started to speak to me, and I listened. I began a journey within that I am still pursuing with relish. November and December were beautiful and peaceful, but still I found myself at years end, deeply depressed. This time, however, I healed myself with love and rest (and the kind understanding of my loving husband). By New Year’s Eve I was on the mend and ready to start again. So now, January of 2015, here I am; looking back, one last time. You know what they say about the past, “don’t look back, you’re not going that way”.

2015, I hope, is to be the year of my soul. I want to feed and nourish myself, body & soul, with love and care, as I have never before. I do not do resolutions. I do, however, like the idea of manifesting my happiness. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been jotting down a list of things I would like to bring about this year. More than anything, these are things I wish to have in my life because they will create joy for us. That is my wish. Joy, health, and love for my family and those I hold dear to me. It looks something like this:

• Continue learning about herbal medicine
• Grow a successful herb garden (my current one if dying, so sad!)
• Celebrate all 8 Sabbats and begin new family traditions
• Create my own recipe book of nourishing, loving foods
• Learn one new skill (sewing, soap making, etc…)
• Teach my children gratitude and personal responsibility
• Be kind, loving and playful with my wonderful husband

I’m making my own world now; a world where heart and mind have more value than things found in the racks of clothing stores or the number of likes one gets on Instagram. I want to build a life of purpose and worth by my own measure. I want to make this world, my world, a better and more beautiful place to be. There’s magic in the making. You might hear me say that often. I think that creating things, be it cooking, art, music, clothing, is one of the best ways to bring light and love to yourself. So I am creating, as often as possible. I think maybe, finally, I am comfortable enough in my own skin to write my own story; to dance to the beat of my drummer, to fly my eccentric crazy flag, and be happy with it. If you are still reading this, I’m impressed. I think I’m writing this more for myself than anyone else. So, I am sorry if it seems a little all over the place. That’s just how my mind works. So let’s start this year, The Year of My Soul and see where it takes us, shall we?

Check out my Untamed Style sister’s 2015 posts, too!