Plus Size Fatshion Blogger, Age 38. A True Story.

I hemmed and hawed over the text in that photo up there. I wanted to write “the truth about being a fatshion blogger on the wrong side of 35”, but that seemed redundant. Truthfully, most (but not all) of my contemporaries at in their 20s.Β  They have the advantage of whim, and gravity has not yet begun to attack their bodies…or at least so I perceive. If I try to think of anyone over 30…well let’s just say that I only need one hand to do it. When I started writing Zaftig, it was my intention to have it be pure fashion…well, fatshion. The reality quickly became apparent to me, however, that I am a mother and my life does not call for fashionable ensembles on a daily basis. So my OOTD plans quickly flew out the ol’ window. Instead, I chose to highlight the brands and women out there in our community that I found noteworthy. For the most part…it’s worked out well. I do struggle occasionally with trends, but we’ll talk about that in a minute. Being 38, basically 40, is not bad at all. Honestly, my head it screwed on fairly straight and I am more comfortable in my skin than ever. In fact, when I do turn 40…this world better watch out, because I am going to OWN that year!

Cute outfit day? Better take a selfie!

Can I just say this: I feel like an idiot when I am caught in the act of taking a selfie. Every damn time. I know some of you have felt this, too. I feel like I need to explain to the person stumbling upon my act of apparent narcissism. “No…it’s not what you think. I’m not…well…I’m…” as if sharing my blog and that this is a cute outfit that must be captured and shared makes any kind of sense to them. This is when I am at my most self conscious. This is when I sometimes tell myself I’m too old for this business, it’s a young girls game, who am I kidding, etc…Then I pinch myself, roll my eyes at myself, and move on.

Dress my age? No thank you!

Then there’s the fact that part of me still feels like I’m a kid. Ugh…just typing that made me feel old. I swear my mother has said that exact phrase a million times. *shiver* What I mean by this is that I meet women my age all the time, and they never believe me when I tell them that I’m the same age as them. I attribute this to two things. Firstly, I act like an idiot…a lot and secondly, I wear whatever the fuck I want. I refuse to utter “I’m to old for that” ever! I am going to regret typing this, but I am young at heart. No need to sound the cliche alarm, I heard how trite that sounded; but I mean it. I just don’t feel like a grown-up most of the time. Conversely, when I am with my younger friends…I am struck with the feeling of oh-my-god-you-are-old.

About those trend issues I struggle with, I’ll give you an example or two. Early this week, inspired by some of my IG pals, I toyed with the idea of starting to wear my nails in that fabulous claw style. Not too long or too sharp, but decidedly sexy. So today when I was at the nail salon I decided to go for it! Then I stalled. $35.00 just to get my nails done? And then another $40.00 per month to maintain them? How would they look while I rocked my usual yoga pants and tank top? How would my son react? What if I poke my eye out? Okay, I didn’t really think that last one, but the other thoughts really did go through my mind. This is where I get hung up on trends. They are fun and sexy and very fashionable for sure; but is it realistic for my life? Probably not. At age 28 I easily spent twice that on mani/pedis, but at age 38….well, I am no longer a solo act. I am accountable to three other people and I have to incorporate that into my choices. What’s that called again? Oh~responsibility. Needless to say, I left the salon with a lovely buffed shine on my natural nails. Not as fancy, but lovely just the same. This same basic patten can be applied to shopping, as well. I love shopping. Love, love, love! It’s my sport. Again, however, I can not shop with abandon, wear all the new goodness and share it with you here. Believe me, if I could, I would. It just doesn’t work for my life. It occurs to me that at 28, shopping is almost all I did (other than working). Man…why wasn’t this blogging thing around then? So when you see me looking fabulous, just know, that I was probably in sweat pants for three days leading up to that photo.

Hi. I’m 38 and I make faces in the mirror.

I often feel like I’m kidding myself. Is there potential here for something more? Because I sure work at it like it could. Can a 38 year old mother of two, with an atypical aesthetic find a foothold in this blogging world? Are there brands looking to work with someone like lil’ old me? Seriously, brands….let’s hook this up and get to work πŸ˜‰ What? Too aggressive? I just know that there are so many women like me, on the “wrong side” of 30, still vibrant and fun, and a shade or two different from the rest. It’s for you that I do this. You are why I feel compelled to push my fashion boundaries, or maybe it’s because of you that I know I can.

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