Sometimes (many times) I chew on thoughts for a very long time before I ever start typing. Today, I’m choosing to clickety-clackety away on the keyboard through something I have been ruminating on for quite some time. More and more, I see my plus size sisters shrinking or at least trying to shrink. Perhaps for health reasons, perhaps from societal pressures about how she’s supposed to look or perhaps even because she just damn well feel like it. I am in no way, shape or form against anyone following their dreams or attaining their goals and of course I am 100% supportive of people who need to make healthier choices in their lives.
|Monique before and after weight loss|
That said, why do I take it so damn personally? Is it my inner guilt (of course built by decades of you-should-be-thinner people/advertising/books/etc…)? Is it envy? Is it sadness to see another beautiful woman spending all her time trying to whittle herself down to what the world expects? Honestly, I do not have the answer. And yes, I know this is a touchy subject.
Truth be told, I’ve been talking with my husband lately, a lot, about wanting to lose about 20 pounds. The reason? Because I saw a photo of myself from 3 years ago with a bit less tummy and thought (and still think) I looked better. I find myself truly questioning if that’s a good enough reason. I find myself wondering if I really think I looked “better” then or if I think I looked closer to how I am “supposed” to look.
|Melissa McCarthy One of the highest paid ladies in Hollywood|
|<img alt="Rebel Wilson|
|Rebel Wilson it killing it these days regardless of size|
Do I think we should all be good to our bodies? Of course I do. I have a lot of respect for women like Ragen Chastain and Golda Poretsky. I think they are both glowing examples of health at every size. As I said in the beginning of this post, I’m thinking as I type and I think this might be a breakthrough moment. This is it.
|I found these while reading up on Health at Every Size|
We need to honor ourselves. We need to love ourselves. We need to believe enough in ourselves to not care what anyone else thinks about our bodies. And we owe it to ourselves to care for these bodies, these beautifully imperfect bodies that we live in. The first thing that comes to mind when I think of being healthy (for me) is my mental health. As I have mentioned before here I have BiPolar disorder. So crazily focusing on a diet/exercise plan is totally something my somewhat obssessive mind can get wrapped around. But at what expense? Would losing 20 pounds be worth the price that my family and friends would pay in boring talks about what I can/can’t eat, mood swings because I’m denying myself and eventual depression resulting from 20 pounds being just that: only 20 pounds of weight, not a life changing phenomenon? No. No it would not.
However, would my family, friends and self possibly reap the benefits of me loving myself, choosing to eat/not eat as my body tells me, and giving myself permission to just be the woman that I am while acknowledging there’s work to be done? I’d like to think so.
I realize I’ve gone a bit off course here and I thank you if you’ve stayed with me down this path. To those of you who are walking a different path, I wish you the best of luck with your endeavour and I hope it brings you all the happiness you can hold in your heart. As for me, I think I’ll stay the course and let me be me no matter what form (aka dress size) that takes. At the same time, I do think it’s time to pay attention to what my body says a bit more (for instance: when I eat gluten my knees ache or sometimes I need to drink less coffee) and be better to it.
Your body is your temple and only you can choose how you worship in it.
|I choose to love myself just the way I am|